For Shame, Comrade!
Russian Drinking Vocabulary, Part 2.
It’s time for the second part of my Russian cultural "likbez" (a Soviet term which means "liquidation of illiteracy"... everything in the USSR was a liquidation of something... someone... many things... we lived in a cheerful country): the different terms in the Russian language for degrees of drunkenness.
See Part 1: To the Brotherhood of Nations
Alcohol, you see, forms such a solid fundament of Russia’s culture, that it is not enough to simply come up with literally dozens of words for drinking, one must also designate the levels of intoxication. Anywhere Russian language is spoken, this is a vital piece of social information that can be a difference between brotherly banter with fellow man and second-degree murder while under the influence.
This by no means exhaustive list will be done in the ascending order: from light inebriation to progressively mote piss-yourself drunk. As before, linguistic and cultural analysis will be provided fro each term. Be warned that it's but a fraction of our drink-related vocabulary.
Level 1: Podshofe.
This term is formed by blending the Russian "pod" (under) with the French "chauffe" (warm), literally "under some heat." It's a very aristocratic term which asserts that one's being a little inebriated hasn't robbed him of his dignity and cultural pretensions.
Level 2: Tyoply
The word itself has the same literal meaning (warm) but, by virtue of being done in the mother tongue and not in hoity-toity French, carries a more egalitarian, down-to-earth vibe. Still, it indicates a low level of drunkenness. "Boris is a little tyoply, but just you wait, he is about to start really bukhat."
Level 3: Navesele (on a bit of joy).
We are still in amateur territory, where alcohol brings merely amusement and light-heartedness. So, this being Russia, we are talking maybe 200 g of hard stuff. An old, time-tested, well-loved term, indicating willingness to go for the gold.
Level 4: Podvipymshi (having drunk a bit).
This is the level at which most American brains begin to forget names and addresses. For Russians, it's the basic benchmark of tipsiness. Anything beyond this is where operating heavy machinery and nuclear reactors begins to get risky.
Level 5: Horoshi (good, as in "he's pretty good now")
The drinker is properly on his way out of the merely "tipsy" category. The face will be getting flushed now, the speech slurred, and the companion may be grabbed by the lapel with the intention of sharing one's soul w/ him.
Level 6: Poddaty (a little stricken)
As is clear, this term is reserved for people who are beginning to show a degree of incapacitation. For most Russian males, being "poddaty" means having consumed close to a full .75-liter bottle of vodka.
Level 7: Pod baldoy (under the influence of Balda)
We are now into the strata of levels that is signified by the word "under", as in "under influence." When "pod baldoy", you stop being amused and begin being amusing to others. "Balda" is also a Russian word for a brainless head.
Level 8: Pod mukhoi (under the fly)
You are reaching the state when insects may start settling on you mistaking you for a corpse. This is the level at which most Russian traffic cops probably won't let you off with a bribe (but you never know). Some Yanks may not survive here
Level 9: Pod gazom (under the fumes)
So, now people will detect your presence olfactorily well before all the other senses kick in. The last of the "pod" levels. Anything beyond this can no longer be reached with beer, so we are entering terra incognita for many Americans.
Level 10: Do sinih krokodilov (Until [one sees] blue crocodiles)
This is an irreverent spin-off of a popular Russian term “zelyony zmiy” (“the green viper”) which usually refers to alcohol itself. Clearly indicates that hallucinations have now become a part of your repertoire. Other unusually pigmented animals can be substituted at will: “Do rozovykh slonikov” (“Until one sees pink little elephants”) is a popular variation.
Level 11: V dugu (into an arc) and V sosisku (into a sausage)
These terms show that you are no longer capable of being erect, a state that is naturally followed by the next level.
Level 12: Na brovyakh (on the eyebrows)
We are in the mini-strata of terms now where the word "na" is used, indicating the mode of transportation you are currently capable of. At Level 12, you are fully horizontal, only able to propel yourself forward by moving your eyebrows. Peak Russia!
Level 13: Na rogakh (on the horns)
The same basic level, but the animal body part implies a certain loss of humanity. This is the middle level on our scale, straddling the border between fall-down drunkenness and alcohol poisoning.
Level 14: Do polozheniya riz
This is a very archaic, comfortingly nostalgic term which roughly translates as "into the condition of nakedness", or to the point where one starts disrobing, which is a surprisingly frequent consequence of drunkenness in Russia. This term is based on the Biblical story of Noah who had suffered this precise situation while drunk, with all the incestuous hilarity that ensued.
Level 15: V drova (into [the state of] firewood)
The previous level has introduced us to the "into the state of” strata, identifiable by the preposition “v”. All levels of this strata imply some degree or duration of unconsciousness. "V drova" is very straightforward, as firewood is perfectly inanimate, horizontal and neatly stacked.
Level 16: V stelku (into the state of an insole)
Insoles spend all of their time being trod upon while horizontal, so this term is pretty self-explanatory as well. You have passed out utterly and completely and may be confused for a doormat.
Level 17: V khlam (into the state of rubbish)
Congratulations, you are no longer fit to be compared to firewood or an insole! Not only are you passed out now, you are also beginning to become an unpleasant sight. This is a point at which death usually occurs in the West.
Level 17a: V zhopu (into the ass) and V govno (into the state of shit)
These terms have the same basic meaning, signifying that your level of intoxication has turned you into the equivalent of human waste. This is the same level of intoxication as “V khlam”, but whereas the latter can be said of your friend, a person you don’t especially like will definitely be “V govno.”
Levels 18: V loskuty (into shreds)
Even rubbish is too good for you now, since you are beginning to lose not only mental but also physical cohesiveness. Alcohol at this point is quickly displacing water as the main component of your body.
Levels 19 and 20: V drebodan and Vdrebezgi
Both phrases mean "into smithereens" but the latter is carrying a slightly more grave overtone. There is no putting you back together, my friend. You're an utter ruin of a human being. Be proud. Nobody beyond Russia's borders can match you.
Level 21: V dym (into the smoke)
You are no longer even corporeal. Comrade, this has taken an exemplary level of dedication and skill. The fact that air still passes through your lungs without igniting is a scientific fluke.
Level 22: Gotovyi (ready)
The implication here is that you are ready to be packed up and carried off to the cemetery. The fact that there are still three levels above this is a testament to Russia's inconceivable complexity.
Level 23: Uzhratyi (the end result of "nazhratsya", as explained in Part 1)
This is "gotovyi", but the cleanup will be considerable. Vodka has definitely taken so much space in your body that other fluids and solids are launching a mass evacuation effort.
Level 24: Ugandoshennyi, which I can only translate as "condomed out"
The word for "condom" is a common Russian insult, equivalent to the American "dick", so here we are dealing with a person who is tragically beyond contempt in a truly Dostoyevskian sense, to the point where saying that he is “uzhratyi” constitutes an undeserved compliment.
Special Level: Bukhoi (the end result of "bukhat" as explained in Part 1)
Technically, this term can be inserted anywhere in the hierarchy, as it is used as the general word for "drunk”. However, the state of “bukhoi” is achieved after a prolonged, dedicated, results-oriented effort and therefore ranks higher than others, as Lenin's theory of labor dictates. A “bukhoi” comrade’s level of intoxication is by no means slight, yet it is impossible to point out the precise severity without further clarification. It is safe to assume, however, that the person in question is well familiarized with the condition.
And, finally, Level 25: Vusmert (into death)
This may not necessarily mean literal death, as Russians aren't the easiest people in the world to kill by liver failure, but this term describes the state at which all physical function must cease by most canons of natural law.
Now, admit honestly at which level did you find yourself exclaiming, “Wait, there is more!”? Probably somewhere toward the middle of the list, right? Well, now that you know the depth of this chasm, a natural question may occur: “How does one possibly drink with Russians or any citizens of former Soviet states without succumbing to alcohol poisoning?”
This, we will address in the next post.
Eagerly awaiting part 3, when the little squirrel comes to visit